Dating: Turn The Heat Up, Keep The Weight Off

Dating: Turn The Heat Up, Keep The Weight Off

It didn’t seem to matter all that much. It was then that my stomach hit the floor! We have 10 subscribers on Feedburner!! Ulp aka shit! In reality we have a tad more than 10 of you guys subscribing through Feedburner. We love you guys and we really want you to stay on board and continue to get our updates when we go writing some random bullshit. You can sign up on this page: or just by using the form below. Subscribe to our Newsletter Subscribe Using the Form Below Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Uncategorized If the title for the article interests you, it’s likely you do well with women up to a certain level. Maybe the women in your social circle think you’re funny and interesting. Perhaps you occasionally hook up with a few of them.aria_carol imlive Heck, you might even negotiate the odd one-night stand with a woman you’ve never met before. But what happens when you see that absolute stunner?

The type of girl that probably gets paid to be beautiful – maybe as a model, stripper or even a high-end bartender? If you’re not spending a lot of time with these types of women, you probably see them as your big chance for an epic romance. The missing piece of the puzzle that is your life. So you turn to jelly. You wonder what you could say to capture this type of woman’s attention. Even if you speak to her for a few minutes, there seems to be no connection. Her disinterest remains obvious throughout the discussion. At best, she tells you it was “nice to meet you”, then wanders off back into the seemingly perfect life of a beautiful princess. You may wonder what’s happening here. Is it that you don’t have the looks and status? Do your conversation topics not work on catwalk models? Or is there something a lot more delicate stopping you from moving things forward? Underneath the surface The simple answer is to treat these stunners the same as the women you believe you deserve. Resist the urge to try and be noticeable.

Don’t put on a special song and dance for her this might be easier said than done, because she won’t always treat you the same as  average women do. The typical average-to-pretty girl might be impressed with your clever pick-up line, with the audaciousness of your approach, with your witty jokes and stories. But the stunner has seen this all before. She’s had guys hitting on her since she was a teenager. There’s not one thing you can do to impress her. Instead, she’s looking for subtle cues to reveal who you are. How do you react when there’s silence? When she gives you no signs that she likes you? When she teases, or even insults you?    Can you stand strong in spite of this? Can you maintain good eye contact, physical rapport and a fun vibe? This will tell you far more about whether you deserve her than what you say. But that’s not all.

Do you get thrown off when her bitchy friends compete for her attention? When random guys enter the conversation? When she loses her phone, spills her drink etc?. Your actions in these situations speak far louder than words. Be willing to walk away The biggest indicator that you deserve the most beautiful women? A willingness to walk away. How do you react when she oversteps your personal boundaries? Do you call her out when she’s bratty? Do you question behaviour which doesn’t meet your standards? Or do you just pander to her because she’s a model/stripper? a true boss knows exactly what he wants in a woman.

It’s usually more than ‘she’s hot’. Instead of being hypnotised by a glamour model’s beauty, he’ll ask questions to see if she ticks these boxes. You should do the same. Also, ask yourself why you’re so attracted to the idea of dating models or strippers? Is it just for ego, or do these women’s personalities typically resemble your dream wife? Have you even spoke to enough of them to develop an accurate stereotype? Many strippers had troubled childhoods. The modelling industry is filled with stress, competition and bitchiness. Come at these women from a frame of finding out whether they’re right for you. Learn to love yourself Your mission is to create a life which is super-fun without a supermodel in it. This will make it easier to speak to the most beautiful women with this mindset. Have hobbies. Awesome friends. A life where you don’t need an absolute stunner to be happy. From there, have a solid set of boundaries that a woman must meet in order to become a part of it. Finally, approach from a frame of curiosity, rather than a burning desire to impress her… Before you know it, these beautiful women won’t be as intimidating as in the past.

The “Nice Guys of OKCupid” Phenomenon: How Did We Get Here?

  Interested to hear more on this concept? My book ‘The Thrill Of The Chase’ explains how I went from desperate loser to healthy dating life by learning to truly enjoy singledom and speak to girls with no hidden agenda. Click here to download the introduction and first chapter for free. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook16Tweet0Pin1 Posted in: Dating & Relationships There are times in an adults life where a friends with benefits situation could be useful. I don’t believe the concept is bad. However, when did having friends with benefits mean that there is no tenderness or intimacy? A person calls, makes an appointment, and the rendezvous is arranged. Does that signify there is no civility, no respect, no intimacy?  It’s just become a matter of wham bam…now get out. I have had three  experiences with this type of relationship. The first was a mutually agreed relationship. Once a week, i would arrive at his house. We would talk, sometimes eat and laugh.

There was always kissing and plenty of foreplay. We would be intimate several times and spend the night together. In the morning, he would walk me to my car and wanted a call or text once I arrived at home safely. It was a very good arrangement. He didn’t want anything more because he was coming out of a divorce. I understood completely and I was coming out of a two year relationship that ended badly. Our agreement ended when he decided that his needs weren’t being met. In the second, the issue of dating never really came up. We would make plans according to our various work schedules. Sometimes he would come over to my house and others I would go to his. Often when I was at his, he would fix me breakfast, we would watch television and we would spend the day in bed. It was a good level of friendship and intimacy all the way around. I admit that I did find myself wondering if we could become something more. He was getting over a bad divorce and getting back on his feet. We didn’t end badly; it just sort of petered out. In the third and final friends with benefits package, he was very clear up front that he could only be friends with benefits.

I wasn’t concerned because I didn’t see him as a long term for my future.  However, I noticed that he was often abrupt, bossy, demanding and rude. He didn’t show any of the friendliness that one expects with friends with benefits. There was no intimacy or closeness. It appeared that he was only concerned about his needs. I knew that he was coming through a bad divorce; he strolled in on his wife in their bed with another man. It resulted with him being arrested. I understand that he isn’t in the mood for another relationship, but does that mean that every other women must be treated poorly? Sexual gratification is more that just having one’s physical urges met.

There is another level in having foreplay and conversation. If I just wanted my sexual needs met, I could use a dildo. But a dildo can’t hold me, kiss my body, manage different positions, or laugh with me. When did the friends portion in friends with benefits get lost? I would wager that men need a little bit of the “friends” portion too. It can’t be very satisfying to jack off all the time. The physical connection is necessary. I’m not saying that people want the constant talking or hassle of a regular relationship to impede, but shouldn’t the two people at least be friends? I found that I didn’t like the third person very much and as a result the benefits were not as enjoyable. It ended before it really started, and I have no regrets. I can’t just screw someone without at least liking them as a person. Left to a man, the enjoyment of the experience is lost and only the work is left. It would seem that men carry just as much emotional baggage as women do, even into the bedroom.

  Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook20Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Sex Tagged in: casual sex, friends with benefits, NSA Perhaps you’ve noticed the banner to the right, it’s no more a custom shirt maker, nope.  The banner you should be seeing, at the time of this post, is a nice looking rack made more alluring with some sexy well-fit under garments. The good people at the Itsy Bitsy Bra Bar are offering up the idea of sexy apparel for the rapidly approaching frenzy that surrounds Valentine’s Day. Let’s face it guys, if you don’t figure out what you’re going to do soon or get her a gift that shows imagination, you’re probably going to get roughed up by your woman and not in the type of what you think would be fun. On the flip side, ladies, this is your chance to sex it up and buy something nice for yourself and your man… Or, er, woman. =) The good people at the Itsy Bitsy Bra Bar are offering a 10% discount off purchases made through their store until 2/15/2010.  To take advantage of it, simply use the following coupon code: urbanVday and that will apply the discount to your purchase.

Creating Buzz for Startup Dating Sites – Hangover Coffee Klatch

You can thank us later. Until next time guys if you’re wearing your girlfriend’s unmentionables, now would be a good time to buy her some replacements.

Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Fashion, For Men, For Women, Sex, Special Tagged in: gift ideas, valentines day, vday The definition of a cougar is… Let’s throw out our definition of what a cougar is and be real. If you have ever thought about dating an older woman (and that hasn’t?), you’re probably familiar with the way the fantasy of cougar dating plays out. a glamorous cougar type like Demi Moore inhabits the role of sex kitten and personal bank account for a naïve and excitable young man with model good looks. The two share sex, although not a much more. Sometimes it happens this way, but this is the exception, not the rule. Even the best advice blogs fall prey to a few common fallacies. If you wish to know what dating a cougar is like for real, you need a little help knowing the fact from the fiction: Myth #1: It’s just a trend Media coverage of celebrity cougar dating has made it fashionable and in vogue, but it really is nothing new. Many historical icons were cougars: Elizabeth I, Cleopatra – even Shakespeare was a medieval toyboy! Research suggests that ever increasing gender equality is reversing the trend of older man/younger woman relationships. Women don’t need men for money anymore; they can date according to whatever they choose and more often they’re choosing younger men. Myth #2: It’s about women dominating men Older women are strong-minded and will be forward in how they deal with what they want. This can cause them being seen as the ‘dominant’ force in a relationship, but that doesn’t mean men should shy away from challenging them and bringing in their particular thoughts and ideas to the mix.

Remember: It’s not a dictatorship…not unless that’s what you agree on.  Myth #3: You can spot a cougar by her short skirts Cougars are visible a mile away due to their bleach blonde locks, heavy makeup, and barely covered bodies…right? C’mon now. Some ladies do enjoy dressing in what could be perceived as a more youthful way, usually because they haven’t yet gotten to the stage where dressing means picking up whatever is most comfortable and off the sales rack at M&S. It’s not since they’re tarty or chasing a second youth; it’s because they know the impact that looking good has on feeling good. Be aware: That might mean she expects you to care about looking good too, but that doesn’t mean flashing your abs around. Myth #4: It’s just about sex and it will never last A common opinion is that this type of relationship just won’t last, and that is often true…but that’s true of all relationships, regardless of how traditional they are. If sex is what you’re looking for, and sex is what she’s looking for, then sex is all that’s on the menu. However, it doesn’t mean that it’s the only way older women and younger men can connect. Knowing this niche personally and professionally, i will say categorically that this is a lie. Older women and younger men frequently get married, have children, and live full lives together. The truth: Our expectations of cougars are normally made either by men with an over-fetishized view of older women or by other women who can feel angered and threatened by them. It’s hard too not to be influenced by all the tabloids looking to excite their readership with the latest defamatory headline of ‘surgically-enhanced cougar swaps husband for money-hungry toyboy.’ The truth is that if you approach your new relationship expecting a one-dimensional ‘cougar’ character, your adventure into the world of older women will be short-lived. Without a doubt, the best way to understand cougar dating is to have an open-mind and get yourself on the market.

So what are you waiting for? Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook5Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships Tagged in: common myths, cougar dating, cougars, Dating, dating a cougar, dating advice, dating an older woman, may december relationships, older woman younger man, Relationships, Sex, tips for dating an older woman It’s difficult to know how your online dating profile is being read by prospective dates. If you’re not quite getting the response you hoped for, the best way to make your profile more appealing is to get some feedback on it. *Note* I’ve taken the suggestions made by the lovely and talented Alana Saltz to heart and made the changes described below. I feel she was spot-on on each point. — Yannibmbr As a follow up to my post, The Top 8 Mistakes Guys Make in Their Online Dating Profiles, Alex (the editor of this fine publication) asked me to do a critique of his OKCupid profile. Even though the following comments are specific to Alex’s profile, a lot of the advice I give here is universal. Profile photo and username: Your profile photo looks good. It’s a headshot shot of you looking into the camera and smiling a little. That’s exactly what you want for your main photo. The username [not shown for privacy reasons] also looks fine. It combines two interests of yours and doesn’t have anything weird. There’s no long string of numbers either, which is a bonus.” My self-summary: I know how to use: there, their, and they’re properly in a sentence. People also say that I’m cooler than the other side for the pillow… Well, actually, only my mom says that… I’m quirky, analytical and competitive.

I like to push myself, I like to push others (in a non violent-shoves-you-on-the-ground-to-kick-you sort of way). I like finding new places to visit. And I support small business. A couple things you should know that might be deal breakers for you: 1.) Kids. I don’t want children. I’m above 95% sure on that certain. 2.) I’m not a big fan of smoking. So don’t smoke, or at least be in the process of quitting. I suggest opening with, “People say that I’m cooler than the other side of the pillow…Well, actually, only my mom says that…” That tells us something about who you are in a cute and endearing way, which is a strong way to start a profile.

Move the grammar line to the end of the second paragraph. The second paragraph is good, although I’d cut the parenthetical “in a non violent-shoves-you-on-the-ground…” part. I get that it’s a joke, but alluding to violence is generally best avoided. Move the third “deal breaker” paragraph to the “You should message me if” section. Your self-summary should only include informative and engaging information about yourself. Starting with the big “deal breakers” can be off-putting. Another option is to delete it altogether and put “Doesn’t have kids and doesn’t want any” in your Details section. You can screen for smokers when people message you by checking whether they smoke on their profile, eliminating the need to mention it.” What I’m doing with my life: I’m doing what I love for a living while also managing my very own business. It can be stressful at times, but I wouldn’t ask for anything else. I’m also training for another half marathon and kinda decided last week to train for a full marathon so I put myself in the NYC Marathon Lottery. I hope I get in! Perfect. I wouldn’t change anything here. It’s descriptive and succinct but leaves room for questions and engagement. It also expresses your passions and interests.” I’m really good at: Ideation.

Yes, it’s a word. Possibly a poorly chosen one. But I’m good with strategy and coming up with ideas which helps with business stuff and also when doling out advice to friends and family. I’m good at running long distances and making you laugh when you really need a good one. Oh and I give a damn good hug. I believe we transfer our “vibe” in a hug. Looks good. This shows you in a positive light (e.g. that you come up with interesting ideas and give advice to friends and family).

The “making you laugh” line is nice too. This makes you seem warm and friendly.” The first thing people usually notice about me: That I am tall and smell like elderberries… Or that I look like a guy that someone knows. When I visit a picture of said doppleganger they never look like me and are generally not even exactly the same race. “Bro, if you were black you’d totally look like that guy.” *Raises eye brow and moves on… Love this. It’s an unique answer to a question that a lot of people skip over. It shows your sense of humor. Just don’t forget that second asterisk (*) at the end (yes, I’m a nit-picky critiquer).” Favorite books, movies, shows, music, food: You give about five examples of each. I wouldn’t be afraid to add a few more. a good number is seven to 10. The six things I could never do without: Family (friends are the family you choose) Pencil and Paper a Co-Pilot the Sun A decent pair of running shoes Sense of adventure This is a great answer. It’s not a boring or lame list (e.g. iPhone, friends, beer, sex, burgers, and sports), that is something I often see in a guy’s profile. It tells us a lot about who you are in an interesting way. This can be a throw away question, but you use the space well.” I spend a lot of time thinking about: Tomorrow. What I can do to help the world in some way or other. What you’re wearing.

Creepy but probably true. 😉 This is where my critique will get a little controversial. While I think humor and lightness are good qualities to have in an online dating profile, I suggest avoiding jokes about violence as well as anything sexual. You have to remember that a woman who is coming across your profile for the first time doesn’t know you at all, and it can be challenging to make that type of humor work in text form. As women, we see a lot of genuinely creepy stuff in profiles, so it’s better not to make our minds go there while reading yours.” On a typical Friday night I am: Dealing meth… Or doing something fun… or Coding… or finding some new fangled place to eat/drink at while flexing my guns on the street corner.

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