Diary of a Blank Man

Diary of a Blank Man

The article in question is titled ‘Players Anonymous.’ First off, hilarious. It covers amount of different topics for those newly dubbed boyfriend or woman, get me a sandwich! In particular the topic about flirting caught my eye. My girlfriend, Lucy, has made it known that she doesn’t like the fact that I’m a flirting adept. “Complete nonsense!” as I dismissed her claim. Surely I was merely being friendly, right? I mean, RIGHT? In thinking about my perceived harmless flirting I started to analyze it and such. Sure, I tend to be talkative and chatty; I’m not super outgoing, but I don’t fear striking up a conversation with a stranger… That is, except for that strange dude offering BJs for coke; sorry Bob Saget, no buyers here. Lucy commented on my flirtatious behavior with the concierge desk at a hotel, on a trip we went to send messages on ashley madison without paying At the grocery store she commented on it again. At the bar, in my car, on skid row by Mac Arthur Park; it didn’t matter.

I FLIRT there for I, err… Look, I don’t know where I was going with that, but I needed to understand my very own nature and reconcile that with the fact that I’m in a relationship now. Please excuse my progress as I kick back my flirtatious ways a notch. Sorry, cute bar maiden. No witty poor attempt at witty banter from me today. I’m sorry, Boobs O’Hoolihan, but I cannot be bothered to create suggestive flirty conversation with your heaping, heaving lady bits. No, that sort of behavior needs to be locked down indefinitely, or, at least, out of the earshot of my gal, lest she kick me in the face. There’s a fetish for that, by the way. Just sayin’. No, I’m not changing something I don’t want to change. I’m merely growing into what’s become a good relationship with a good girl. It’s part of how a couple evolves and develops with one another. While I saw my flirting as innocent, Lucy felt slighted and a bit hurt that I was doing this in front of her face. To her credit, she was very classy with how she addressed my behavior: “Hey, cock face, way to flirt with the help. Maybe next time you can just finish her up in the men’s room.” Okay, she didn’t say that, but she was clear in stating she didn’t care for my flirty antics. I respected her feelings and have scaled it back when we’re out and about. I put on a burka and avert the eyes of every woman I see now.

Until next time, people, getting a woman to kick you in the face is about $300 bucks depending on your location…. The More You Know! Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Relationships, Self Tagged in: Dating, flirting, Relationships What follows is 3500 words of unfiltered bullshit about this fucking guy. Some of it you know, most of which you don’t. This is not dating related. This is “me” related and as this is my fucking blog I’ll do what I want. If you don’t like it, you can go finger fuck yourself. Because this is a big part of me and answers a question that’s haunted me for some time now.  I sat there with, what felt like, the weight of the world firmly placed on my chest… I had just been told all the reasons why kids are awesome;  that they love you; that they’re a part of your legacy in the world; that they help you see into the past… You see the faces of loved ones come and loved ones gone; they’re a part of your team. Team YOU.

The notion of it all… It’s a beautiful thing. And one I can’t possibly argue against. I mean, sure, I’m not the first person in the world to not want kids. But when push came to shove… All I could say was: “But I just don’t want em.” In my ex’s desperation to save “us” she probed and poked at why I felt the way I did… She named a few things that were near and dear and tucked away; she tried to unlock something that I’d kept buried and hidden. I was angry. I shot back defensively and ended the conversation… So ended a chapter in my life. A very happy chapter in my life… Something I’ll always look back on fondly… But I needed to know “why” I was so angry. “Why” I didn’t want children… But I’ve had time. Time to think. Time to be real with myself. “Why, you fuck? WHY don’t you want fucking kids?” I’ve always said that the notion of “Oh, this is a bad world to bring a child into.” If this is your reason for not wanting them you can go fuck off. Because it’s a stupid reason and you’re hiding something else; something shitty happened to you, or some series of shitty fucking things happened that colored your decision on children… Perhaps I’m projecting… No, I am.

The End of Brangelina – Is it Wrong to Laugh at the Other Women’s Misery?

Nothing particularly shitty happened to me, instead, it’s a small collection of things that I’ve put into this box and shoved into a corner and left there. For all my life which, to this point, puts me at 36 non-exciting years… And since I don’t really have a personal blog to post this on, I’ll just post this fucking shit here for the random fucking people who come here each month. If you didn’t get it, this post has nothing to do with dating… Well, very little to do with it at least. When I was a little guy my mom always said: “Son, it’s just you and me versus the world.” And she was right. I used to ask my mom “where’s daddy?” when I was too young to understand.

My mom would tell me “he flew away, son. He flew away…” I remember my cousin, who was about 4 years older, told me that he left her. I didn’t know what “leaving her” implied. Still too young apparently. A couple of the schools I went to had father/son days.  I never went to them. I never paid it much mind either. No one ever asked me why I never went. I had a bad ass grandpa who smoked a pipe and cussed like a pissed off hispanic cement mason with only a 5th grade education and a wife who loved to spend money on nice things should. I didn’t need a father… I didn’t. But… I did. You see, there were times when I had gone through old family albums. I saw the alien baby pics of myself and then I saw the pictures of this tall pasty fella with a wavy-curly Popsicle-orange quaff. That was my dad and there he was with my mom.

She was smiling in those photos. Back then I could see she was happy… I would wonder if he would ever come home. Before I went to bed I would often think about that. And he never did. He never published. Not once. But that’s okay. I didn’t need his words or his wisdom.

But… I did. Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook6Tweet0Pin0 Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 Posted in: Self This article is likely to stir up some healthy debate and raise some eyebrows amongst those in my social circle. I’m cool with that and I’d like to know what other people think about this, too. So be sure to comment! Imagine this scene, dear reader: You are at the zoo. You’re walking around munching on a snack, like a juicy steak on a stick and taking in the sights and sounds of a large variety of exotic animals and some that are not so exotic. You happen upon a tiger. You are fascinated by the tiger as it does what caged tigers do. As you fix your sights on the tiger you notice that it, too, has fixed its sights on you. What are you doing? You’re merely standing on the other side of the cage looking on at the tiger. What right has the tiger to return your interest? Well, it should, again, be noted that you’re chewing and chomping away at a stick.

The moment intensifies as one pair of eyes locks with the other…. Oh and the names used in this article have been changed to protect that none-so-innocent. Men and women just being friends is kind of like that: Two irresistible forces separated by some type of cage or barrier. This is an argument as old as time itself, when Neanderthals were trying not to become exterminated by the cold and evolved humans; an argument as old as “When Harry Met Sally,” the ultimate argument on the topic of male and female friendships. The topic of men and women just being friends is touchy and confusing, at best and downright crude at worst. That is, in my opinion, it’s difficult to really discuss men and women being just friends. My opinion is that, no, women and men can never truly be friends. But, really, it comes down to what one considers friend to be any way.

What is in a friend anyway? Merriam-Webster’s online defines friendship as “the state of being friends.” Well, great! That’s about as useful as a poopy flavored Popsicle stick. Merriam-Webster online goes on to tell us that a friend is: 1 a: one attached to another by affection or esteem. Well isn’t that nice? I agree with that definition of friendship. Friendship between men and women, however, I feel takes on a slightly more complicated role. The nature of the beast dictates that attraction to a member of the complimentary sex or other (and yes, I do realize that people of exactly the same sex share in this discussion, too, Edward) is natural, for it is the “nature of the beast.” Right? That’s is, people are attracted to a particular gender will seek out those individuals with the qualities they most value. It’s a natural thing to do. The qualities could be ranging, of course, from a style of dress or size of a particular body part.

Sure, one could say I’m over simplifying, but I don’t think so. That said, what does this really mean? I think one must take an inventory of their friends from the gender they are compatible with. I look to my female friends. I have lot of them, for a guy, I think. I appreciate them all for his or her various qualities. By no means, though, would I say that is where the admiration stops for me. The Lowdown on Male and Female Friendships. Before I go on, I’m sure to suffer a firestorm from some of my friends and might make some feel uneasy.

Dating Red Flags: When What You Think You Want Isn’t What You Really Want

Certainly that’s not the goal, so read on, digest and then send flaming comments to me. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had this discussion.

The comments that contradict my own are usually the same: “Oh, but I’ve known her/him for such a long time. We’re like brother and/or sister.” Or my favorite: “There is no way they feel like that. I don’t feel that way for them! I just know that they don’t feel that way about me.” Well, yeah, if we all knew what the other person was thinking I’d have no reason to write this article. Really, this article, when you consider it, could be a call to action: Be real and be honest with your feelings about your friends. Could a person concede that they have had non-friendly thoughts about their friend? Could a person concede that they are the object of a friend’s desire? In most cases the answer is no. I feel that the truth scares people on this topic. Naiveté Lost Some of my very best friends are females. Do I see them as just friends? Yes, I do. But, wait, how can that be when I have stated that men and women cannot just be friends?

Well, it’s tricky, you see. For my male friends I share affection for them and enjoy hanging out with them. Though I’d get punched in the nuts for using the word “affection,” but I digress. But that’s where those feelings end. And it’s solely since they’re male. Females on the other hand I see differently. While I can be platonic friends with my female friends and share affection for them when we hang out there’s something more there, since they’re female. What I mean is, Carlie might be one of my best friends and I enjoy seeing her and always give her a big hug. I confide lot to her. But at the same time I can say that when I’ve seen her I’ve had stray thoughts. a stray thought meaning that I’m having a thought that isn’t entirely “friendly,” per se. For instance: I remember for Carlie’s birthday a group of us went out to celebrate.

I remember thinking this when I saw Carlie, “Wow!!! She’s so hot right now!” I couldn’t peel my eyes from her cleavage. Nothing will ever come of it. However, I’d say that, based on my innate attraction for Carlie, my thoughts are not strictly confined to the purest definition of friendship. It’s something else that isn’t quite friendship. To come to this understanding of the values of men and women I have had to experience a few things first hand. You see, many moons ago when I was still rather naïve I thought that men and women could, in fact, be true friends. And I had a great example with which to argue my point. I have friend that I grew up with, Kendra.

She and I are still friends to this day. We grew up on the same street together and went through plenty of hard times together. I never felt any sort of attraction toward her. We were just friends and that’s all that I thought of her as and that’s what I believed she felt as well. One of my best friends, at the time, Sean, told me that I was wrong and that men and women being friends was a pipe dream because of the nature of attraction. I thought he was dumb and merely trying very hard to get me to sleep with Kendra. It wasn’t until I had come home to visit family and friends (I had moved to a different state after high school) that I finally became a believer of Sean’s theory. Kendra had rented movies and invited a couple of people over to her place to have some drinks and watch movies. The night went along without incident as we all drank and had a good time. In the wee hours of the morning my buddy, Tom and I, decided we were going to call it a night and leave. Kendra became really bitchy at this point. Insisting that I stay; offering her the couch or, wait for it, share her bed. Again, at the time, I didn’t see anything odd about this. Later, my friend Tom had told me something that shattered my world at the time… Though sworn to secrecy, Tom told me that Kendra wanted me to stay the night with her. I asked him why. He laughed hysterically at me and couldn’t believe I would ask.

Apparently, she had told him that she wanted me pretty badly and had experienced like that for a long, long time. I was shocked. My whole argument’s basis for men and women being just friends was shattered. Kendra and I had a couple awkward moments the next time we met up but nothing happened. The point that I’m trying to make is this: Between men and women true friendship, in its purest form, doesn’t exist. One person is always going to have those stray non-friendly thoughts for the other person or both people will share those thoughts and feeling for one another. These feelings and thoughts are extremely real and, that, many people won’t admit that they have them in fear of losing a friendship or, more likely, a fear of acting on them because those feelings have been acknowledged. So What Do You Do? I don’t personally feel that I will cross any lines with my female friends. I acknowledge what I think and feel and I choose to continue my friendships rather than indulge a thought that isn’t anything meaningful beyond a carnal acknowledgment of what is in front of me… Wow. I type of sound like a jerk, don’t I? I guess I feel i will say these things plainly as I feel that this acknowledgement of the dynamics of friendship between men and women has freed me, to some degree. In some ways, I feel it’s made me more confident in dealing with women. I feel a certain freedom because even though I acknowledge that an attraction, regardless of how minute it may be, between my female friends and I may exist I respect it.

One way to describe the previous statement is this: Maybe you have a gun in your house. You like guns, but have a respect for the power they wield. Because of that power you would never choose to fire that gun. My respect of the friendships I have with my female friends is much the same. I recognize that there is a power given and the currency is the trust that we share with each other. As uncle Ben said to Spidey, “With great power comes great responsibility.” Uncle Ben not only makes a mean dirty rice bowl, but he knows the nuances of friendship between people and that it’s to be respected and understood. This knowledge has helped me become better friends with women, I feel. I will draw the line, if I need to because I recognize the signs of attraction, regardless of which person has the attraction. So I guess this article could be summed up with a line that was already written, toward the beginning: No, women and men can never truly be friends.

People need to start being real about it. Be sure to check back on this blog. There is another in article in this series coming up from the female perspective. Ought to be a raging hormonal good time. What do you think about this fresh new hell I speak of? Leave a comment! Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook9Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Relationships Tagged in: For Men, For Women, Relationships Dating is a great way to know a person more. On this stage, you get to determine if the guy you are with at the moment is a good boyfriend or husband material. Does he have the qualities that you’re looking for in a man? Do you share the same interests and passions?

Are you gonna get along well – would your personalities clash or would you complement one another instead? On this phase, you also get to identify which among the guys tend to be losers and which tend to be keepers. How To Spot A Keeper During A Date  Learn the secrets of spotting a keeper. Here are some telltale clues to help you with that. 1. The chemistry is there. This is basically experiencing the attraction as if  you’re being pulled to each other. You feel the pheromones working overtime.Your senses are heightened – you see even the tiniest pore in his face and you find it interesting; you smell his cologne and it makes you want to sit closer next to him; his slightest touch on your elbow as he assists you to your dinner chair gives a powerful electrifying sensation. And it goes two ways. It’s mutual! This is your first sign. 2. He’s got the right attitude. He’s sincere and honest. He’s brutally frank yet sensitive at the same time to choose the correct words once the situation calls for it. Suppose you were two hours late on your date due to a series of unexpected circumstances.

You didn’t have the chance to inform him in advance because your phone battery went dead. Would he play nice as if two hours is just two minutes or would he be truthful that he’s not happy you didn’t arrive on time? How would he take it – with finesse and coolness or would he make you look like you’re two feet tall? How he reacts on bad situations can give you warnings of his hidden traits and character. Another example is this scenario. You have other opinions about commitment. He thinks giving up a career for a woman is crap. You disagree. Would he insist on his values and sort of shove it down to your throat to emphasize that he is right? Or would he accept your side  and respect your differences? 3. You meet his friends.

Remember the saying: Tell me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are? This does not mean that if his buddy is reputed to be the town’s drunk, he has drinking problems as well. Check the guys he usually hangs out with. Do they have good educational and professional background? Having so can tell that they are men with responsibilities. They surely wouldn’t want to befriend a man who’s totally out of their league, would they? Do they all have the good looks, sexy bodies and flaunting them every chance they get? For all you know, the guy you’re dating is gay! 4. He loves his Mother. You can immediately tell if he does when his mom pops up during your conversation. Someone who’s serious enough to a deeper relationship is never ashamed to talk about his mother. Beware though. He may be a mama’s boy so weigh all aspects in. 5. His values show in the smallest things.

He sees a boy staring at him, he smiles back. It can indicate that he loves kids. He has a pet in house and it adores him tremendously. It can signify that he has compassion for animals. He has a short string of girlfriends and doesn’t go for one-night stands and flings. It can be a sign that he believes in the sanctity of marriage. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook6Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: For Women, Tips & Advice Tagged in: couple, love, tips for women A healthy relationship is one of the aspects that contribute to healthy living. It enhances your emotional, mental, and physical well-being. The right person will make every minute of your life enjoyable and worth living. Finding someone who complements your lifetime and maintaining a healthy relationship may seem like an impossible task. However, it is not as difficult when you know what to look out for in a partner and how you can make positive contributions. Here are some healthy dating tips for a healthy relationship and a healthy life. Respect Mutual respect should precede love for a healthy and loving relationship. You will find it hard to maintain a happy relationship with someone you don’t respect, or one who does not respect you.

When you respect someone, you will treat him with honor and dignity. In contrast, disrespect breeds ills such as infidelity and dishonesty. To earn respect, you will need to carry yourself with dignity and show your partner that you value his feelings. You also need to respect his likes and dislikes.

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