Why Does He Want to be Friends if He Doesn’t Want to Date You?

Why Does He Want to be Friends if He Doesn’t Want to Date You?

men winking at work – Budding bloggers take note; you never know what keywords generate traffic to your internet site!  Keep up on your analytics, kids. meaty men – Someone must be looking for me.  Alas, I am nowhere to be found on Zoe’s content of meaty men, which I’m pretty sure doesn’t exist there. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Asides Tagged in: Dating, Sex via Nice is average, boring, nonthreatening, fling a scam Nice is never thinking seriously about masculinity, femininity, social norms or what that person want, really wants, out of a relationship. — A Concerned Female I could end this article right here. But I’m not going to because for far too long and more often than not I hear this from friends: “Women don’t want nice guys.” That’s utter bullshit.

Women don’t want pussies, male apologists, men who can’t make a fucking decision on dinner; women don’t want a dude that’s gotta consult mama for each life decision… I mean, that’s easy, right? Right? But, we have this fucked up notion in our society… Oh Em Gee, Alex. What is it? It’s the notion that “being nice” is the decent thing to do. Being nice is the decent thing to do. Say it with me now and say it again. Do you agree with that? Plainly I don’t. a funny thing happened the discussion as to ‘Why Men Ought to Still Pay for a First Date.‘ a good discussion happened for starters. Why was it good?

Because a couple women who commented debunked/challenged the notion of a man paying for a first date just because it’s the ‘decent thing to do.’ It got me thinking, though; and readers here know that shit doesn’t just happen, you know, me thinking. Society tells men that they should be ‘decent’ and ‘nice’ and really doesn’t put the same expectations on women in that same way; so men need to just be nice and so men generally tend to be ‘nice.’ When they’re on a date a man will pay ( at least the ones who are nice) for a shitty date, or a good date and for every other type of date in between because to accomplish otherwise would mean he’s cheap. Okay, I got sidetracked on first dates and paying, so let’s bring it back. Why do nice people suck? We have been taught to be kind to our fellow neighbor and I agree that’s a good value to impart and live up to. But if you’re on a date, why are you being nice for the sake of being nice if you don’t much care for the person you’re out with? Why be nice to a person who thinks you’re a shit head? There’s no reason for it; you will get trampled on and you become wasting time with some one you won’t remember in a few days anyway. Have the Brave Conversations As the quote above states, “Nice is Boring.” Being nice is safe and it’s really just boring because the reality of things is that if you’re ‘just being nice’ to your date, you’re really just bracing for those one or two deal breakers that fuck the whole thing up. A friend of mine, Cole Harmonson, explained to me that when she went on dates, she’d have the kids/religion/marriage aka the triple threat of game-ending convo within a half hour or sooner. This was insane to me.

Why? If she though the guy was cute, handsome, charming/funny then why not get to know the fucker? Well, as I learned, you can’t do that. Because those turn into relationships that last years and breakdown, horribly for all involved. Being ‘nice’ isn’t your friend. Having a fucking spine is your friend, nonetheless. If you’re a guy that expects your woman to be submissive to you; you’re the king of the castle… That’s okay. Fuck what society says; if that’s YOU then guess what? There’s a woman nowadays that wants you to take charge of her and put her place. If you’re the sort of guy that replies “ummmm, uhhh, and sits on his thumbs and requires a domineering/opinionated/brassy-broad of a woman guess what? There’s a hardcore sundering thunder-cunt of a woman online for you bubbo!

So if you’re out with some one that doesn’t embody what it is that you want, you don’t have to be “nice.” Nice gets you a baby that you do not want with a person that you probably didn’t want either. “Nice” gets a lifetime of arguing and utter shittiness with someone you’d rather dropkick than have passionate late-night sex with… Some people call this ‘settling.’ But I’m not speaking about that here. Now, I’m not saying that “nice” sucks because I’m a good guy who’s a dick. I’ve been “nice” and it DOES suck and people get hurt. But what I’ve begun to learn is that, while I’m a ‘good person,’ I don’t have to be nice to some one just because… If my date sucks, the beeyatch can pay her half; again, society can go fuck itself because society isn’t paying my bills… I am… Except for those times when I get a sick tax refund from my business… But you can get what I’m saying, right?

Escaping The Friend Zone: How We Both Climbed Out Together

I went on a date with a woman a few weeks ago. She was pretty and she was pretty nonchalant about the whole thing; she wasn’t overtly nice; she didn’t go out of her solution to compliment me or anything… She wasn’t nervous to make sure I had a good time; I, on the other hand, did. All of those ‘nice’ things I felt like I needed to do them. I didn’t. And that date not only lead to nowhere ( like a some bridges), but cost me $87 bucks. The monetary value matters a little; but it’s not necessarily the The point is that there’s no need to be nice for the sake of being nice; it doesn’t mean it is possible to just be a dick either; but being ‘fake nice’ is dumb, it’s boring and it flat out sucks. So here’s an exercise: Stop being “nice” for no reason. Be respectful, engage in thoughtful conversation; prod, really ask questions and answer honestly, about your entire shitty things. Ask about HER shitty things. See what happens… My guess is that your date will be high in fail, but guess what? If it wasn’t a failure then, that relationship would have ended in failure.

Give it a try and thank me later. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dates & Details, Dating & Relationships Tagged in: being nice, Dating, nice, nice guys Happiness is an odd thing. What makes me happy won’t necessarily make anyone else happy. I’d like to see Steve-O direct the next Star Wars trilogy. I’m probably alone in that thought. That’s okay. Because I have to live with me.

The rest of you jerks don’t! Happiness is what you make of it and my post about what 2012 has taught me has gotten me all introspective and shit. True fact, Holmes. I’ve been thinking, what could I do to be happier in 2013. As I’ve reflected on my pleasure a lot of late, this is perhaps because I was on my 17th consecutive hour of watching the “Dog Whisperer” on GaiamTV. So instead of tell you lot what YOU can do to locate more pleasure in 2013, I’ll tell you what this a-hole is gonna do instead. Appreciate what I got – Just over a year ago, I was working a butthole job that sucked the soul right out of my face. Painful right? I hated what I did and what I did hated me. There was clearly no “win” in that situation. Why did I do it? Because it paid me well… Very well. But I lost that job and fallen into doing what I love.

Which is freelancing and writing shit on the Urban Dater. I don’t make what I used to, but I’m happy. Really happy. And even when times are tight, I need to remember that. Find pleasure in others – People gather for random things. A baby’s birthday, various other jerk’s birthday or a macaroni and cheese-off. I’ve been a hermit the past few months. And that’s not good. I’m not happy when I’m like that. I come home from the office where I was working, and do more work still.

Lame. Getting out and being around the people you love is important. All things considered,” friends are the family you choose,” said a wise man to me. Watch something happy/useful…Like Yoga – I love ‘The Walking Dead.’ Amazing show. It stresses the shit out of me. ‘Homeland’ is another show I like that stresses me out, too. I could take some time and level-up on my Yoga and stream something from GaiamTV instead. As a big dude and a runner, my body is a P.o.S. most of the time. I’ve recently taken up an interest in Yoga to simply help with that. I’ve gone through a couple streaming videos from Gaiam to date.

While I can’t bend my face behind my knee yet, I’m happier and less stressed-out. Just a note, GaiamTV offers new signups a 10 day free trial period. So get all up-ons that deal, y’all. Psst! It also signs you up into a drawing, too! Do something for somebody – I don’t have a lot of time to do things for myself, let alone others. I make time to run for me. I do make time to volunteer about once a month. Also, I give people my knowledge and my expertise in Web Dev. and other related subjects by organizing WordPress meetups. I don’t get paid. But it does make me happy and I get to help people out in the process. Hyper victory for everyone!

Simplify – For me, this is counter-intuitive. I like gadgets and tools. But i might say many of the things I do are not efficient. That sucks. I pride myself on efficiency. But I’m not. I add steps and layers to my day to day tasks and my processes. Also, simplify relationships. That is, start cutting people out of your life that drain on you… Or let them weed your garden for you, if they’re being a butt-hole.

For too long I’ve allowed relationships to fester and consume me… As Roberto Duran said: “No mas!!” Stress comes from wide range of places; its not necessary it coming from the people you love and are likely to love you, too. Seems shitty… Well, it’s because it is. You always have a choice, as I do.

5 Romantic Vacations in Perth

I choose to cut or be cut and let it stand. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook2Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Advert, Featured, Self Think you have a great profile to attract a quality man?  Think again.  With millions of profiles nowadays, nobody thinks they have a bad profile. But the reality of the situation is, thousands of people are unintentionally making critical mistakes that are sending quality men away in droves.  Below is a list of the most common mistakes you might be making! 1.  You are only as good as your worst picture.

it is important to remember at all times that men are extremely visual.  You may have five great profile pictures posted, but if that sixth picture sends a red flag or is unattractive, he will probably will move on to the next profile. 2.  Creating lists of what you don’t want in a man.  When men see long lists of things that you aren’t looking for in a partner, they will start to question if you are just a high-maintenance woman who is impossible to please. In place of listing what you don’t want in your profile, give attention to what you do want, and just ignore the undesired men who invade your inbox. 3.  Displaying negativity.  A profile should maintain positivity at all times.  Don’t hint that you have become frustrated with online dating or make every other negative comments.  Positive energy attracts positive attention.  Negativity will steer good guys away. 4.  Using desperate sounding language.  Avoid phrases such as, “I hope to hear from you,” “Waiting for my prince charming,” “If you are interested….,” etc.  Language should always demonstrate confidence and that you’re in control of your own destiny. 5.  Being a walking cliche.

  There are millions of profiles on dating sites. If you don’t want to blend in with every other woman out there, create a profile that pops off the page with personality, playful language, and a conversational feel to it.  a original profile will have a man remembering who you are long after he reads the next ten messages. 6. Not putting in the effort.  Too often women create extremely short profiles and use the excuse of “I don’t know what to write.” When you write a super brief profile that barely says anything about you, you are just encouraging the guys who are only interested in your looks to send you a message.  This is simply not exactly the best formula for landing a quality man. If you really don’t write well, hire a pro! 7.  Boring your audience.  If you were to meet up a man at a bar and you liked him, how would you act?  You’d probably be conversational, playful, fun, maybe even flirt a tiny bit. The same should go for your profile.  Men read countless boring profiles every day.  Don’t bore your audience.

  Win them within the same way you would attempt to win someone over face to face. 8.  Sexualizing your photo gallery.  You’ll receive dates in this manner, but it won’t be for the right reasons.  A quality man will sometimes still make an effort to have fun while he is looking for “the one.”  By  sexualizing your photo gallery, you are putting yourself on potential hook up status, and eliminating yourself from potential girlfriend/wife status. 9.  Lack of Structure.  Notice how this whole page is written in small sections which can be a few sentences each.  If I were to write the same information in one or two long paragraphs, nobody would read it.  Psychologically, small sections seem more appealing.  Structure your profile in small two to three sentence sections, with each area tapping into a different aspect of your who you are, and what you are all about. Want to have the perfect online dating profile created for yourself?  best online dating profiles for secrets behind the profile writers in the world, or go to this page for a free profile evaluation and to learn 6 factors why a professional profile writer can change yourself.

Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook7Tweet0Pin2 Posted in: Online Dating Tagged in: online dating mistakes, online dating profile mistakes, online dating profiles, profile mistakes Couples get romantic on Qixi, a lovers’ festival similar to Valentine’s Day. Visual China Group via Getty photos Many countries celebrate love on Feb. 14, Valentine’s Day — a holiday named for Saint Valentine, a third-century roman clergyman who secretly performed weddings for soldiers forbidden to marry under Emperor Claudius II. But there are those that honor romance on different days making use of their own legends. China’s Qixi, which occurs on the seventh day of the seventh month on the Chinese calendar – early August on the Western calendar – is a couples’ holiday based on the Chinese folktale about two star-crossed lovers: “Niulang,” or Cattleman, and “Zhinü,” the Weaver Lady. Bridge to love In Chinese myth, Cattleman was a handsome young mortal who once healed a dying ox. In return for saving his life, the ox helped Cattleman find a wife. “At dusk seven goddesses can come down from heaven to bathe in the nearby lake,” he told Cattleman, according to legend, adding that the youngest, Zhinü, was the prettiest. The two met, fell in love and decided to get married. The goddess was a weaver fairy and the youngest daughter of the almighty goddess of heaven. Her mother, furious that her daughter had married a mere man, sent her celestial soldiers to return Weaver Lady to heaven. Model and actress Lin Chi-ling as the Weaver Lady at a 2019 Qixi Festival gala broadcast on national TV. Visual China Group via Getty photos The grateful old ox, now on death’s door, told Cattleman to put on his skin after he died. Upon doing so, Cattleman discovered he could fly to heaven to retrieve his wife.

nonetheless, just before he reached Weaver Lady, the goddess of heaven threw her silver hairpin toward Cattleman, creating a swirling river that separated the young couple. This river became the Milky Way, or yinhe – the “Silver River” – in Chinese. Cattleman and Weaver Lady’s story moved all the magpies on Earth, according to the Qixi legend. They flew up to heaven to bridge the Silver River. Relenting, the goddess of heaven allowed the young lovers to meet up on the Magpie Bridge – but only once a year, on the seventh day of the seventh month. Qixi means “seventh day.” Sooner or later, Cattleman and the Weaver Lady turned into stars, which in English are called Altair and Vega. They twinkle in the night sky as eternal symbols of romantic love. The Milky Way, or ‘Silver River’ in Chinese, divides Vega, on the right, from Altair, on the lower left. Universal photos Group via Getty Images Qixi traditions In olden times Chinese women celebrated Qixi with weaving, embroidering and paper-cutting. In one popular dexterity contest, ladies competed to thread a bronze needle with seven holes on it under moonlight. Young women would also pray to Vega for a good husband. Today China’s Qixi festival is more of a commercial affair, like American Valentine’s Day. Couples go on dates, declare their love and exchange gift ideas like flowers, perfume or jewelry. While researching international marriages in China, I’ve learned the legend of Qixi also lives on in interested ways. China, featuring its surplus of young bachelors, has a major industry of online marriage brokers. Several of those businesses are called “magpie bridges,” because they bring lovers together – alas, not gods, but mere mortals.

Wei Li does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive money from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and contains disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook5Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Online Dating The first thing I said to my Tinder date, L, was “You’re probably wondering why I called you here today.” I shouted as I tried to elevate them above the dull roar of this Dodgers faithful at the Verdugo Bar, in Glassel Park. I went on, “Becky, in Accounts Payable, thinks you’re ‘a real curmudgeon.’ Needless to say, you have disappointed me during the last time.” What exactly I miss most about my time with L was our laughter and irreverent banter. Our half-baked plots to troll her neighbors were numerous. I’d be lying if I told you I still didn’t think about those times together spent laughing. But that wasn’t the totality of our time together. I was chasing a woman who didn’t want to be caught, a silhouette in the distance—If I was just a little faster I could catch her.

I never did. If I’m being honest with myself, and you, our time together needs ended at our would-be one night stand. But it didn’t. L interested me, she was funny and she thought I was funny, too. She was a Professor and a proud subscriber of ‘bitch Magazine.’ She knew things, she was intelligent, and outspoken. As much as I appreciated these qualities of hers, I also fetishized them I think.  I waited a couple of days before I texted L back after our date. She didn’t text me and I knew she wouldn’t either. I craved the attention of someone like her, a person who was strong and brilliant, a person who could validate me.

I didn’t know it then but that’s what I’ve uncovered now that I’ve put the remains of our relationship behind me. I was still on the mend from my previous relationship, where my ex declared “No woman will ever love you and accept your baggage like I did.” I wasn’t looking for a relationship, I was looking to prove my ex wrong. L ran from New York City, fleeing who knows what, pursuing her PhD, and a host of other things I either didn’t know about or understand.

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